Lost Review: Paint My Body Red by Heidi R. Kling

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synThe world isn’t just black or white. Sometimes it’s red…

They think I’m next. That I’ll be the seventh kid to step in front of a train and end my life. With the rash of suicides at my school, Mom’s shipped me off to my dad’s Wyoming ranch for “my own safety.” They think I’m just another depressed teenager whose blood will end up on the tracks. They don’t know my secrets…or what I’ve done.

I wasn’t expecting Dad to be so sick, for the ranch I loved to be falling to bits, or for Jake—the cute boy I knew years ago—to have grown into a full-fledged, hot-as-hell cowboy. Suddenly, I don’t want to run anymore, but the secrets from home have found me…even here. And this time, it’s up to me to face them—and myself—if I want to live…

review

3/5 Stars 

***I received this book way back when as a gift in exchange for an honest review

+++Triggers: Mature YA, adult situations, suicide, assault 

Paint My Body Red feels like two separate novels that don’t mesh as seamlessly as they should. While the characters are the same, it’s like an alternate universe that the main character has been carelessly thrown into. As individual books, I might have rated this higher. Each story is interesting and full of atmospheric details. 

The premise is genius and based on fact. A suicide trend that caused city-wide hysteria, paranoia, and fear is a very real threat that could happen anywhere. The amount of pressure, stress, and lack of place for mental health care in schools is a major issue that needs to be talked about more. 

Words have power. What you say to someone can change their whole life, especially if they’re already overwhelmed and doubting their desire to live. This is a strong theme and extremely powerful. The main character goes through a self-destructive period of doubt, self-hatred, and anxiety after she says something that may have pushed another student over the edge. Not only can negative words be harmful to the receiver, but to the person who says them. 

Sometimes bad choices can overwhelm us and make us feel disgusted, worthless, and unworthy. The feelings are profound and sharp. You feel every stabbing ounce of pain as Paige recounts her past in her diary. It’s real, brutal, and consuming.

The sort of Southern romance going on threw me off. Yes, Paige is complex and comes from two worlds. Ranch time is supposed to be a safe place, therapy for her. Throw in the rodeo and flirty cowboys, it becomes something else entirely. The romance is subtle at first, flirty fun that becomes more. Paige’s feelings are complicated and plagued with doubt. Her confidence has vanished after everything she has been through, but it’s through love that she regains that former shine. 

If you like any of the following, you’ll enjoy this:

Dramatic reading, 

Jordan

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ARC Review: Blood Red, Snow White by Marcus Sedgwick

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syn

There never was a story that was happy through and through.

When writer Arthur Ransome leaves his home in England and moves to Russia to work as a journalist, it is with little idea of the violent revolution about to erupt. Unwittingly, he finds himself at its center, tapped by the British to report back on the Bolsheviks even as he becomes dangerously romantically entangled with revolutionary leader Trotsky’s personal secretary. Both sides seek to use Arthur for their own purposes…and, as he struggles to find autonomy, both sides grow to suspect him of being a double agent. Arthur wants only to elope far from the conflict with his beloved. But when he attempts to extract himself and Evgenia from the complicated politics and politicians that he fears will lead them both to their deaths, the decisions he faces are the most dangerous and difficult of his life.

review

3.5/5 Stars

***I received this eARC as a gift in exchange for an honest review via NetGalley & Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group

For the life of me, I’m always puzzled how Marcus Sedgwick’s books are classified as YA. I’ve only read two or three, but every single time I’m more perplexed. But I digress…I had an extremely hard time rating this book; this is probably the most difficult time I’ve had putting a star average on a book for a variety of reasons. For those of you who don’t know (I’ve shared some information about myself and if you’ve read the bio on here this will come as no surprise) I’m technically what would be considered a Russian historian/analyst/policy expert. Yes, insane right? If I see anything even remotely related to Russia, the Balkans, the Baltic region, or historical interactions/culture, I latch on.

When I began this book, I was immediately transported back to the time of Bolsheviks and fairy tales (if you haven’t read Russian or Slavic fairy tales, seriously get on it and I’ll have a review coming for you in November on a Russian YA retelling). The story begins in that ultra precise and whimsical way most Russian tales do, in the vein of Tolstoy. The prospects are bleak, the chance of a happy ever after slim, but there’s an air of magic and anticipation that will capture your attention, if not your heart. 

The introduction to the story is fantastic. The smoky, enchanting mood of a fairy tale told by the comfort of a warm fire, and at the bedside of a loved one is there in full force. The tale of the grandfather and two children in a cabin the woods, the bear on the prowl, the metaphors and analogies. It’s beautiful, dark, twisted, everything you could ever want in a fairy tale. 

And then the shift happens. The structure is interesting. Facilitating a historical retelling through folk framing was intriguing and definitely livened up the atmosphere, but then a hyper realistic but super boring journalist protagonist comes in. Arthur Ransome may be based on a historical figure and in the mix of truly astounding and world-changing historical events, but that certainly doesn’t make him interesting. For the life of me, I couldn’t invest in him. I was bored out of my mind with his narrative. Despite the dangers of his interactions with the Bolshevik leaders, working as a spy, traveling through Russia in this time of peril, the anxiety, the fear, the TRAUMA of the Cheka (чрезвыча́йная коми́ссия) was absent. There were a few scenes that seemed on the border of becoming the dark and sadistic reality that was Russia at the time, but then they disappeared. It’s possible that some imagery was tamed for the YA audience but it’s just not real. 

The romance was secondary and while Arthur placed a huge importance on this romance, it was hardly romantic. 

The portrayals of Lenin and Trotsky were lively and gripping, but lacked the forboding that normally accompanied interactions. The paranoia and terror were high at this point and meeting with Bolshevik heads was not something taken lightly and this just read so nonchalant. I tried to step away from my academic background for this review and to solely critique as a YA reader, hopefully that worked. 

RASPUTIN. YES. This was perfect. The legendary man was grotesque, creepy, and made so much larger than life than he actually was. These scenes are AMAZING. 

I was also disappointed by the Romanov slaughter. 

I absolutely adore this cover. It’s breathtaking and mysterious and gloomy. 

If you like any of the following, you’ll enjoy this:

Fantastic reading, 

Jordan

Book Blitz: Enigma by Tonya Kuper

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Anomaly (Schrodinger’s Consortium #1) by Tonya Kuper

synReality is only an illusion.
Except for those who can control it…

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

My first boyfriend dumped me—happy birthday, Josie!—my dad is who knows where, I have some weird virus that makes me want to hurl, and now my ex is licking another girl’s tonsils. Oh, and I’m officially the same age as my brother was when he died. Yeah, today is about as fun-filled as the swamps of Dagobah. But then weird things start happening…

Like I make something materialize just by thinking about it.

When hottily-hot badass Reid Wentworth shows up on a motorcycle, everything changes. Like, everything. Who I am. My family. What really happened to my brother. Existence. I am Oculi, and I have the ability to change reality with my thoughts. Now Reid, in all his hotness, is charged with guiding and protecting me as I begin learning how to bend reality. And he’s the only thing standing between me and the secret organization that wants me dead…

ExcerptCopyright © 2014 by Tonya Kuper. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidary rights. 

From ENIGMA 

Chapter One

Josie

Three days ago, I killed someone. A dozen times a night, and every time I close my eyes, I see his body convulse as the bolt of lightning I Pushed struck his body. I still see Santos’s face contorted in pain before he sinks under the surface of the water.

I opened my eyes after brushing my hair and swept my toiletries off the faux-marble counter into my backpack. Stepping out of the bathroom, I scanned the rest of the room for my belongings. My bra lay on the floor where I’d dropped it the night before, next to the paisley bedding. It had been beyond embarrassing shimmying that thing off under my shirt when I was right next to my hottie bedmate.

I plopped my backpack on the bed and grabbed my blue bra. It was still dangling from my hand when the door leading to the parking lot swung open and Reid smiled at me from the threshold.

Perfect. Of course he walked in at this exact moment.

My face flashed with heat. I scrambled to stuff my garment into my bag, but the clasp hooked on one of my bracelets. Working the clasp off my bracelet took way more effort and time than it should have. The stupid thing was stuck. I peeked up at Reid to see if he was still looking at me. Wrinkles formed in the corners of his eyes as he coughed into his hand. He looked over his shoulder as he pretended to hack up a lung to camouflage a laugh.

Sharing the motel room with Reid, my trainer in charge of my safety, was convenient and safer. But him being my kind-of-sort-of-boyfriend also meant I was hyper-aware of personal stuff, like the time I spent showering or Reid catching me staring at him constantly. I mean, we shared a bed and were definitely into each other, but he’d never seen my bra before – on or off.

He’d now witnessed me wrestle with my undergarment – and lose. Which was both slightly embarrassing as his trainee and absolutely mortifying as his kind-of-girlfriend.

Reid looked at me, his brows pulling up in sympathy. He crossed the tiny motel room in three strides and stopped beside me. His warm hand touched my wrist as he studied the clasp and gently unhooked it from my bracelet. He caught my lacy bra before it fell to the bed.

Reid Wentworth was touching my bra, and my boobs weren’t even in it. What were the odds of that?

He’d worked my bra better than I had. How exactly had he gotten his bra-handling knowledge? The thought made me break into a full-body sweat.

Reid turned to face me. “I just turned in the room key. Cohen, my contact from the Hub, called while you were in the shower. The Hub gave us the green light to a safe house outside Flagstaff. We gotta pack ASAP and get on the road. They want us there before nightfall.”

I sat on the bed. “I’ll be ready in three minutes. I think I’ll miss this room, though.” We’d only spent one night, but something about it felt more secure than our two previous stops.

My bra was still in his hands. I yanked from him. “Thank you.”

“I’ll help you with your bra anytime. Just say the word.” He winked.

I wanted to hide.

“Wait.” He pulled his duffle to the bed. “You’ll miss the mustiness of a 70s motel in need of a major facelift?”

With the bra safely tucked away, I bent to lace up my boots. “I know, it’s weird, but I like this place.”

He walked into the bathroom and came out with his toiletries. “You like the wood paneling, the shaggy Muppet carpet, and an air conditioner that’s louder than my bike?”

I peeked toward the rattling air unit. Despite the jolting noise, the curtains floated gracefully above the machine like paisley ghosts.

The room seemed more hidden than the other places we’d stayed, nestled in the woods somewhere in New Mexico. We drove highways instead of interstates all the way from Florida to stay under the radar, but I still felt exposed, afraid someone would see us. Now the mountains and trees gave me a sense of coverage, of safety.

I tied up my other boot. “Yeah, it’s old, but I like it.”

Hiding, tucked away in a dark room, I could almost pretend I hadn’t murdered another human being. Being around people reminded me that I was dangerous, that I was an incomprehensible monster. Maybe I was keeping others safe if I was hidden.

A loud, deep buzz sounded, drilling into the recent memory of gunfire and weapons, of people dying. My heart paused and I dropped to the floor, kneeling behind the bed.

Reid strode to the bedside table where his phone buzzed, but his wide eyes watched me, worry etched on his face.

Duh. Way to jump to conclusions. Chill out, Josie. I forced myself to stand.

The phone buzzed again, vibrating against the wood and reverberating in my bones. I blinked and jerked, almost an involuntary flinch.

It’s just his phone. Get a grip.

But a buzz meant someone was contacting Reid, contacting us. And any communication was bad news at this point.

Reid stepped to me hesitantly, as if he were approaching a skittish stray dog. Understanding flashed across his face. “That will probably happen for a while. But it will get better.” He touched my hand for a moment, but it was enough to remind me that we were safe. For now. I relaxed my posture as I exhaled.

At my side, he positioned the phone so we could read the screen.

I stared at the contact information, a line of pound signs. The meaning of the symbols finally registered. The number was restricted and blocked. I read the first line of the message.

This is Meg.

My body was numb. I couldn’t feel my fingers or toes. They didn’t exist – or if they did, I couldn’t control them. I reread the three words.

My mom. I wasn’t sure I wanted read on. Not just because I didn’t want bad news, but I didn’t want bad news that had anything to do with my family.

Reid bumped his shoulder to mine. “I didn’t think we’d hear from your mother this soon after her last message.” His voice was quiet.

It had been three days since I’d seen her face on her video message. Three days ago seemed like forever, yet it didn’t.

The phone buzzed again, making me jump, waking my body from a fear-induced paralysis.

Eli and I are redirecting to the Hub. 3 Founders need to be present to make executive decisions for the entirety of the Resistance. If the need arises, I have to be present. We should be there before you arrive. The Council is unaware there is a mole within the Hub. Use caution.

Hearing from my family made my heart burst with sweet relief because it was confirmation they were still alive and well. But fear squashed the celebration, turning my blood to cement.

I needed a minute to think. I couldn’t let my family go to the Hub with no way to protect themselves. I shoved the phone out of my line of sight, toward Reid. Instead of moving, he caught my hand and whisked me around to face him. “Josie, I know that look.” He let my hand fall. “If I take you to the Hub instead of the safe house, not only will I be disobeying direct orders, but it could get both of us, and possibly others, killed. You’d be giving the mole what he wants – you.”

He was right – the mole wanted me. And the best way to get to me was through what I cared about most, the people I cared about most. My family.

I took a step away from Reid, the back of my legs hitting the bed. I sank down onto the mattress.

I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t put two words together. My thoughts jumped from the mole, to my family, to the Consortium.

Reid stepped in front of me, his sober expression replaced with brows arched in concern. “Josie, I understand how you must be feeling—more than you know. But I’m supposed to keep you safe.”

I shoved off the bed. My knees buckled immediately and I rocked onto my heels, falling back to the mattress. Frustration clamped down on my emotions and I was ready scream. I couldn’t look at Reid, but I held a palm up as I stared at the phone still in his hand.

He gave me his phone, the text message already pulled up on the screen. Then he sat next to me, making the bed dip under his weight. I read the message again.

What were my choices? If I went to the Hub, the biggest community of the Resistance, I’d be trapping myself with someone who wanted me dead. If I went into hiding with Reid, I’d still be hunted by the Consortium. Neither option was a vacation.

The muscles in Reid’s jaw flexed as his gaze traveled over my face. “I know your family means everything to you. Eli shouldn’t have to be involved in this.”

That was the part I couldn’t take. I let my head drop into my hands, slumping between my knees. The smell of bleach from the linens was almost comforting.

I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Eli would be staying in the same compound as the mole, as the person who helped Santos try to kill me. Swallowing the ache in my throat and the sting in my sinuses, I willed away my tears.

“Josie.” There was desperation in Reid’s voice.

Clearing my throat, I slowly sat upright and lifted my eyes to meet Reid’s.

Reid looked toward the window. “The Consortium wants all Anomalies dead because we’re too dangerous. And since you’re on your way to being the most powerful Anomaly on the planet, you aren’t just the target – you are the freaking bullseye.”

I wasn’t what mattered. Eli would be in danger. I was the only one who could protect him. I was the only one who could protect a lot of people.

Reid stood and crossed the small room to shut off the air unit. A whole new world of muted sounds came to life. A mourning dove cooed nearby, two housekeepers spoke in hushed tones outside as they pushed a cleaning cart on the cracked sidewalk, and a truck rumbled in the distance. There were spaces in the new quiet, spaces with virtually no sound but plenty of room for thought.

My family was bait. Fury simmered in my stomach.

I shoved off the bed and stepped to Reid’s side, making him look at me. His eyes fluttered shut. “I wish I could just take you away from all this.” His dark lashes fanned upward as he opened his eyes. “But this is your decision.”

His compassion for me meant more to me than I would be able to convey to him. If this were a normal life and we were normal people, his care for me would’ve been all I needed. But our world was anything but normal. My safety didn’t matter, no matter how much he cared about me. My priority was keeping my family and others safe. If that put me in harm’s way, so be it. “You and I are more powerful than the mole and we’ll out number him. Statistics are in our favor. And he doesn’t get to use my family as bait.”

Reid shook his head and something flickered in his eyes. He tugged me against him, my chest colliding against his. My fingers dug into him, pulling him closer.

Terror trickled through my nervous system, seeping through every inch of me, infusing my body. “I need to go to the Hub,” I whispered. It wasn’t a want, it was a need. I needed to keep my family safe. And in doing that, I’d be facing my own mortality. But what scared me more was facing their mortality, Eli’s mortality. I’d already lost one brother.

Standing in front of the lone motel room window, our bodies bathed in rays of morning sunshine, to anyone watching, we would have looked like we were glowing from within, like superheroes. But superheroes wouldn’t let fear cripple them like this.

Reid let his forehead rest against mine and closed his eyes. “I don’t like this idea for a lot of reasons. But I know that’s selfish.” Blue eyes stared into mine. A sadness masked his face that I didn’t understand.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

He pressed his lips into a tight line. “Let’s go.” He squeezed me then turned to the bed.

“How are we going to find the mole?”

He zipped his duffle bag. “I have no idea, Josie.”

I plucked my phone from the bedside table, the varnish of the dark wood worn along the edges. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “You need to know something. We have to be different in the Hub.” He shook his head. “We can’t, uh,” his voice scratched. “We can’t do this in there.”

“What?” I let my gaze drop to the ground.

“Josie.” I couldn’t look at him until I was sure the sting in my eyes had dissipated. “Josie, look at me.”

That was my luck. My first boyfriend ever broke up with me on my birthday, then my long-time crush ended anything between us before we even had a chance. Two guys ditching me in under two weeks. That had to be some kind of record. For losers.

The shabby motel floor creaked under our feet as Reid dropped his bag, stepped in front of me. “We have to play by the rules in the Hub, and I’m someone who trains others to follow the rules. One of the rules? No trainer-trainee relationships. A romantic relationship between trainers and trainees clouds the trainer’s judgment. So we can’t do this.” He motioned between us.

Understanding why didn’t make the rejection any less painful.

Reid dipped his head, his dark hair falling forward, leaving an inch between our noses. “Make no mistake, I love what we have.” The deep line between his brows reappeared. “But going into the Hub means putting the mission before us. And I’m all for it. We don’t want anyone, including the mole, to know we have a relationship. It would be used against us. A relationship in the Hub could hurt you. I can’t put you in more danger than you already are. We can’t be anything more than friends for now.”

He was right, but that wasn’t going to stop the hurt. What we had wasn’t just a two-week whirlwind romance; this was a lifetime of growing a relationship. I couldn’t move. I’d lost my family, my friends, my home. I’d naïvely thought maybe I could have the one guy who understood what I’d lost and understood me.

A weird pressure bloomed in my chest, but I had to ignore it. I had to move and focus before tears fell and I was a puddle on the floor. Besides, we needed to get on the road. I backed away from Reid. “Come on.” Stepping to the bed, I flung my backpack over my shoulder. “We have to catch a mole. Before he kills my family. Or me.”

Reid snagged his duffle, his face drawn in worry, and opened the heavy door, squinting into the bright morning light. We secured our bags and our helmets, and I climbed on the bike behind Reid. I forced myself to move as though nothing was different, touching Reid when I had to without reservation. But everything was different.

Reid turned the key, revved the throttle, and the engine roared to life under us. Turning his head over his shoulder, his pale irises met mine. “Last chance. Left to Flagstaff or right to the Hub?”

My chest felt restricted, like I couldn’t pull in a full breath. “Right.” I gripped his waist, anticipating the turn.

He didn’t reply, but he moved his hand on top of mine for a second to squeeze it. Bits of asphalt spat away from the tires as we headed north toward the Hub in the Rockies. The wind whipped through my hair, a flame of red twisting behind me from under my helmet.

In Star Wars terms, I was Luke Skywalker and the Consortium was my own version of the Empire who wanted to wipe out all Jedi. We were off to join the Rebels – the Resistance in the Hub.

The white line on the road trailed alongside the motorcycle, as if it were holding our hands, guiding us. There was something comforting about that white line. Even if it had to break, it came back. That’s what Reid had been for me the last couple weeks – my anchor.

I tightened my hold around Reid’s waist, pressing my body against his back. The warmth of his leather jacket against my stomach combated the cool breeze that had picked up the higher we climbed into the mountains as our journey stretched late into the day.

An hour ago, he’d said we would be to the Hub soon. I hoped for my numb butt’s sake it was sooner rather than later. Despite the peacefulness in watching the highway disappear in the mirror, the growl and whoosh of each semi passing us in the opposite direction made me flinch. With each flinch, I was taken back to the moment I Pushed the lightning that killed Santos. My mind was stuck, replaying the image over and over. The white light had temporarily blinded me as it streaked down the oil-slicked sky to Santos, making me flinch. Santos’ body had convulsed, his face contorted in horror.

No matter what I had done the last few days, how often Reid had made me laugh, or how much we’d kissed late at night, guilt and shame had weaseled into my thoughts. The guilt-shame of taking Santos’ life wasn’t letting up. In fact, it was getting worse.

We rounded a bend in the road and my chest twisted as if someone were ringing me out like a wet towel. My left lung ached like nothing I’d felt before. Was it my lung, though? Or was it my heart?

Was this what it was like as Santos drowned? Had his lungs hurt and was his heart on the verge of explosion? Another picture of Santos coming after me on the beach, a sick and menacing smile on his lips, flickered in my mind.

Another eighteen-wheeler passed and the lightning flashed in my mind again. When the face came into focus though, it wasn’t Santos – it was Eli.

Fear gripped me and I beat both hands on Reid. That’s when I noticed my hands were shaking, and my heartrate matched the rhythm of the shaking, fast and sporadic. Frantic.

“Josie?” he yelled over his shoulder. I couldn’t manage words, I just beat my right fist into his back, holding on for dear life with my left arm, hooking it around his middle.

Reid slowed around the next curve then pulled off the road at a scenic lookout. I jumped off the bike before it came to a complete stop, flinging my helmet off of my head. The gravel crunched under my boots as I ran to the edge of the lookout. Leaning over the railing, bracing myself on my forearms, I hung my head as I concentrated on deep inhales and slow exhales.

Reid’s feet crushed the gravel as he sprinted to me. “Josie?” His voice was a higher pitch than I’d heard before and it cracked at the end of my name.

His warm hand landed gently on my back. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, unable to answer.

Santos was a traitor. Santos tried to kill me. I will not be the reason Eli dies.

A panic attack over Santos and this mole and imagining myself kill my little brother. At least that’s what I thought it was. I just needed the feeling to pass.

I held up a finger, continuing inhaling through my nose to the count of four and exhaling through my mouth to slow my breath and pulse.

Santos was a traitor. Santos tried to kill me. I will not be the reason Eli dies.

I wiped the perspiration on my forehead away with the back of my hand. Reid didn’t force me to speak, but patiently stood behind me, his hand still on my back.

I eventually straightened, letting out a long, pain-free sigh. Finally, I could breathe.

“Santos?” he whispered. I nodded and my heart squeezed again just hearing his name, but not as severe this time.

His hand slowly roamed up to my shoulder. “Are you okay?” That was a loaded question.

No, I wasn’t okay, but he already knew that. He’d held me every night when I woke screaming from nightmares. He’d listened as I rehashed the Consortium’s attack on the rooftop after the serum handoff to the vice president. He’d watched me grow up with my family and knew they were everything to me.

I touched my fingertips to his hand gripping my shoulder. I wanted to throw my arms around him and burrow my head into the crevice of his neck, the place I fit perfectly. I wanted to breathe in the smell of him, a clean, musky scent, and feel his warmth around me. Instead, I pulled my fingers away and nodded. “I’ll be fine.” The words came out quieter than I intended.

I finally raised my eyes to take in our view. A blanket of evergreens covered the mountains surrounding us. “This puts Endor to shame.” I wished it were Endor. No one would be hunting me there.

Crickets had begun their evening song, serenading us, filling in the silence. Moving forward, I leaned against the aluminum guard rail, the metal cool on my upper thighs through my jeans. I kicked a spray of gravel, rocks assaulting plants on the way down the side of the mountain into the gorge.

Reid stepped beside me, his presence simultaneously calming because he had been my support since this whole mess started weeks ago, yet jarring because he couldn’t play the same role anymore. I cleared my throat. “This is beautiful.”

His eyes focused on the mountains in front of us. “This is home,” he said.

“Welcome home.” I guessed this was my home now. Temporarily. Indefinitely. I didn’t know.

I stared at the place where the mountaintops kissed the watercolor sky. Pink cotton candy clouds battled shadows gobbling up the mountains. The sharp smell of pine reminded me of family camping trips – Nick and I racing through the woods and stony creek beds. The scent made me want to run, faster than I had ever before. Run to Mom and Eli in the Hub and find the mole.

Running to them also meant losing my relationship with Reid. As much as I wanted to get to the Hub for them, part of me didn’t. Reid was my older brother’s friend who I’d secretly had a thing for since I was little. He was the one person I’d always wanted. How was I just supposed to turn off those feelings?

Reid turned to face me, his hand reaching for mine, but he allowed it to drop before he touched me. He was afraid to get close. He was putting space between us to keep me safe.

I had to let him go. An invisible pain spread through me. I was a piece of glass struck by a hammer. A spider-web of cracks hid under my skin. I hadn’t thought being kept safe could hurt more than being in danger.

I closed the space between us, his face only inches from mine. His eyes shut for a moment as he sighed. “Josie.” The word was drawn out and whispered.

I traced his jawline with my forefinger. I had to get close. I needed it. I needed him. I shifted my weight forward to rise up on my toes, to touch my lips to his, but then I stopped.

I couldn’t kiss him when I couldn’t have him. I backed away, instantly feeling chilly.

            A crease formed between his eyes. “We probably need to get going.”

This was it. We were done.

I turned to his motorcycle, but a Jeep had replaced Reid’s bike. Two weeks ago that would’ve freaked me the hell out, but not anymore. I opened the door of the vehicle and slid into the seat, limp and numb, sadness weighing me down. I stared out the windshield, focused on the mountain across the valley, but I wasn’t really seeing it. In my peripheral, Reid scooted behind the wheel and sat unmoving for several seconds. He hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand, making me jump in my seat.

Reid turned toward me, his gaze intense. He swiftly slid his hand behind my neck and pulled me to him.

His lips crashed to mine and pressed my mouth open. The warmth of his hand cupping my face and the grip on my waist, as if I’d disappear, fused me back together, making me whole again. My fingers twisted in his hair, pulling him closer. When his tongue swept over mine, my soul ignited. Reid was the human form of helium, making me weightless, letting me soar. We kissed until we were both breathless.

I let my hands slip down to his chest, his heart thumping against my palms. “Reid,” I breathed.

His mouth hovered inches from mine. “That is how I feel about you,” he whispered, his breath tickling my lips. “I can’t do it. I can’t be without you. We’re stronger together.”

I pulled in a deep breath, thinking maybe I would fly away from the brief high of overwhelming joy. “I need you.”

He rested his forehead to mine. “You have me.”

He moved the hand on my waist to my jaw, his thumb sweeping across my cheek. “We can be together, but we have to hide it. It has to be only in private.”

“Okay.”

He glanced down to my lips. “And I can’t wait until the next time I can do that.”

The mere idea of there being another time he’d kiss me with that kind of intensity heated my cheeks.

Reid sat back in his seat, started the engine, and gave me his flirty half smile I’d grown to adore. “Let’s go.”

I flipped down the visor and peeked in the mirror. Some tendrils of hair were wavy, some straight, and all of it completely out of control. My hair might as well be Captain Davey Jones’ tentacles from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

With the next blink I Pushed and a hair band appeared in my palm. I no longer felt like getting sick each time I Pushed or Retracted reality.

Inspecting my hair, I Pushed my strawberry blonde strands straight then pulled it into a ponytail. Every Push or Retraction came with a price. Each Oculi had a bank of energy that was limited and every manipulation of reality was an energy withdrawal. When the bank was empty, it was empty. Oculi were encouraged to not waste Pushes and Retractions on little things we could do ourselves.

I, on the other hand, was the daughter of the two scientists who’d taken the amplifying serum. My energy bank, like my older brother’s had, seemed to work a little different than other new Anomalies. I seemed to have endless energy. In fact, I had to use my energy, release some by Pushing and Retracting, just to take the edge off. My energy had grown in the last three days even, almost radiating off me at times. I’d only had these abilities for a couple weeks and I was growing more powerful each day.

“Is what I’m wearing okay?” I asked, checking out my retro Princess Leia tee and holey jeans.

“Yeah. You look…” He glanced at me as he drove and a mischievous grin slid across his lips.

“What?” My nerves were shot and we weren’t even to the Hub yet.

He shook his head, smiling to himself. “You’re fine.”

“Okay. I guess I’ll trust you on that.” Even though everyone at the Hub would know who I was, I wanted to make a good impression. Everyone in the Hub would have varying expectations of me, since I was the daughter of one of the founding families of the Resistance. Plus, my older brother had an Oculi degradation in the Hub, a rare consequence of observing reality into existence. Our observations traveled through the optic nerve to our brain. Sometimes our observations could randomly fry our nerves, which, could lead to degradation of the parietal lobe, cerebrum, and cortex. A possible side effect of this kind of degradation was a psychotic break.

“You can trust me.” His eyes locked on mine, this time not accompanied by a smile. “With everything.” He turned his attention back to the road, his profile dark against the waning sunset.

I was banking on that trust. I wouldn’t be able to do anything without it. “I need to make sure I have this straight. Right now our plan is to figure out a way to expose the mole, possibly with me as the bait.” I knew he didn’t like that idea, so I ignored his serious side-eye and continued. “This guy wants me dead, so he’s almost definitely going after my family. He may also try to take the Resistance down from the inside. Aaaand, we don’t know if he is working with anyone else inside the Hub, like he was with Santos.”

“You got it, babe.”

Anger seethed in my stomach as I watched thunderhead clouds billow from behind the mountain peaks. Energy buzzed in my fingers. This mole, this accomplice to my attempted murder, this orchestrator of the deaths of innocent people, didn’t know what was coming for him.

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Enigma (Schrodinger’s Consortium #2) by Tonya Kuper

Release Date: July 4, 2017

synThe sequel to the highly anticipated Anomaly is a twisty-turny, romantic page turner perfect for fans of The Matrix.

 

Worst. Road Trip. Ever.

Escaping with Reid Wentworth should have been fun, but how can I enjoy it when I just (accidentally) killed someone, my mom and brother are in danger, and the Consortium is trying to enslave humanity? (Yeah, they aren’t fooling around.)So feeling something for Reid Wentworth was not part of the plan. Trying to help unite the Resistance against the Consortium means I can’t be distracted by hot boys.

The Resistance secret hideout isn’t exactly the rebel base of my dreams. Atraitor there wants me dead, but we have no idea who it is. And with both the Resistance and the Consortium trying to control me, the only one I can trust is Reid. If we’re going to have any chance of protecting my family, controlling my unstable powers, and surviving the clash between the Oculi factions, I’m going to have to catch this traitor. By using myself as bait.

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(Hooton Images)

Website/Twitter/Tumblr/Google+/Wattpad/Instagram/Facebook

Tonya Kuper writes young adult science fiction and contemporary novels. She first fell in love with reading in elementary school, which eventually lead to earning a BA in Elementary Education and a MS in Reading Education, but she never thought she’d write a novel, let alone several. When Tonya isn’t writing, she teaches Young Adult Literature Writing Workshop at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, laughs as much as possible, loves music, and nerds-out over Star Wars, Marvel, Sherlock, and all things pop-culture. She lives in Omaha, NE with her husband and two rad boys.

Epic reading, 

Jordan

 

Release Day Blitz & Giveaway: Gravity by A.B. Bloom

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gravitysmallAmazon/Goodreads

synThey are calling it the End of Days. The world is plunging into darkness, the days growing shorter and the nights longer. Meteor showers are falling to the earth and there are some who would take advantage of the growing darkness.

For sixteen year old Bronte Bell, her problems are closer to home. Since her birthday she’s become weaker, her bones breaking, her hair falling out and plagued with constant migraines. No one can explain why. Until a mysterious new boy arrives and tells her that everything is not as it seems. She is not what she seems.

Drawn into a war that divides the sky, Bronte is torn between her desire to save the world and her growing connection with Nick. But she will have to let go of reality as she knows it, if she is to accept her role in destiny before the Hunter, who has been tracking her since birth, finds and destroys any chance she has of making the choice which is her birthright to make.

Her destiny will change everything . . .

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Anna Bloom is a contemporary romance writer who writes about life as it happens. Combining a busy schedule of looking after two small children whilst working in a local school and completing The Uni Files series. Anna’s main aim in life is to create the perfect book which makes a reader laugh and cry at the same time, hopefully causing a convulsive (impossible to ignore) donkey noise. It’s a work in progress! Anna also spends a lot of time imagining kissing hot guys – all in the name of her art.

Website | Facebook | Twitter

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Fantastic reading, 

Jordan

ARC Review: The Secret Horses of Briar Hill by Megan Shepherd

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There are winged horses that live in the mirrors of Briar Hill hospital. In the mirrors that line its grand hallways, which once belonged to a princess. In those that reflect the elegant rooms, now filled with sick children. It is her secret.

One morning, when Emmaline climbs over the wall of the hospital’s abandoned gardens, she discovers something incredible: a white horse with broken wings has left the mirror-world and entered her own.

Tucked into the garden’s once-gleaming sundial, Emmaline finds a letter from the Horse Lord. He is hiding the wounded white horse, named Foxfire, from a dark and sinister force—a Black Horse who hunts by colorless moonlight. If Emmaline is to keep the Black Horse from finding her new friend, she must collect colorful objects with which to blind him. But where can Emmaline find color when her world is filled with gray?

review4/5 Stars

***I received this eARC as a gift in exchange for an honest review via NetGalley & Delacorte Books for Young Readers

Some reviews take a while to write, not because the book was a struggle, but because there’s too much to say too soon and it wouldn’t do the book justice to spit out a review for the sake of time constraints. This review has been a long time coming and hopefully worth the wait. 

The Secret Horses of Briar Hill is a Middle Grade book. The last time I’d read one of those was probably when I was MG age…apart from Harry Potter, of course. But when I saw Megan Shepard, I had to have it-she’s one of my go-to authors.

Don’t be scared of the MG label, this book is stunning, truly and utterly beautiful, whimsical, and full of this dazzling hope in a world of tragedy. 

The Secret Horses of Briar Hill will enchant and bewitch you. You know that giddy, magical feeling you get when you feel something wonderful is on the verge of happening? The entire book is made of that feeling. If you love The Chronicles of Narnia, Bridge to Terabithia, The Golden Compass, or even Spiderwick add this to your TBR stat.

The horses are like a secret-glorious and majestic, they flit through the mirrors playful and observant, taking sneaky sips of tea or peaking around corners. Curiosity and anticipation reign as Emmaline scrambles to uncover their true purpose and convince the rest of the too serious children that they are hiding in reflections, just out of sight. Who are they, why are they in the mirrors? Questions will plague you and keep you guessing as the mystery and an epic quest pops up. 

Megan Shepard is insanely skilled at blurring the lines between historical and fantasy. The world is seamless and fits so well together it’s crazy because it really shouldn’t. There’s a World War going on, bombs are on the horizon, and the children grow more sick everyday. These are real circumstances that actually happened and if you’re into history you’ll feel that hunger to learn and research. Read the notes at the end, it’s fascinating. 

Emmaline is adorable. She’s suffered so much, lived through horrific events, and yet, that childish wonder is stronger than ever. She can be spiteful, she can be mean, but she has so much heart and this multidimensional personality makes her all the more real. 

Friendship, loss, and hope when all seems lost and the world is fading as the darkness of death closes in-that’s what this story is truly about. Magic is found in the darkest of places and the bleakest of times. I don’t have children, but when I do, I definitely plan on reading this with them.

Some parts were a little predictable, but overall it was certainly an adventure. 

The cover. OMG. Seriously, I’m taking down that name because it’s one of the best I’ve ever seen. 

If you like any of the following, you’ll enjoy this:

Magical reading, 

Jordan

Release Day Blitz: Stolen Kisses by Addison Moore

release-blitz-bannerstolen-kisses-coverGoodreads | AMAZON | NOOK | iBOOKS
GOOGLE | SMASHWORDS | KOBO

STOLEN KISSES (3:AM Kisses book 11)

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NEW YORK TIMES and USA TODAY bestselling author, Addison Moore— Cosmopolitan Magazine calls Addison’s books, “…easy, frothy fun!”

Tall, tatted, and drop dead gorgeous? Grant Jones is sex on a stick —which explains why every female at Whitney Briggs University gravitates in his direction. Every girl wants to bed him, and every guy wants to be him. Grant is the whole package, and I cannot wait to do a little unwrapping.

Ava is the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. But I’ve tried relationships, and they don’t work out for me. The truth is, I’ve never let the deep wound of losing my sister, Steph, heal properly. I’m taking a break from relationships to mend my heart the right way.

But Ava isn’t giving up. She’s sweet, and fun, and that soul melting smile of hers gets me every time. Maybe letting Ava in will be far more healing than trying to do this on my own. Stephanie would want me to be happy. I know she would.

And just as soon as a ray of happiness enters my world, I’m faced with the crushing truth about who Ava really is. Instead of healing, I’ve managed to split my heart wide open. The devastating truth is, Ava and I were never meant to be in the same room—let alone spend a lifetime together. Unless another twist of fate intervenes, our time together will never amount to more than a few Stolen Kisses.

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3d-book-iphoneLucky Kisses (3:AM Kisses 12) 

*CAN BE READ AS A STANDALONE*

Releasing November 22, 2016

*Special Introductory Price*

AMAZON | NOOK | iBOOKS | KOBO | SMASHWORDS
author

Addison Moore is a New York Times, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal bestselling author who writes contemporary and paranormal romance. Her work has been featured in Cosmopolitan magazine. Previously she worked as a therapist on a locked psychiatric unit for nearly a decade. She resides on the West Coast with her husband, four wonderful children and two dogs where she eats too much chocolate and stays up way too late. When she’s not writing, she’s reading.

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Romantic reading, 

Jordan

ARC Review: Spindle by Shonna Slayton

spindle-by-shonna-slayton-for-webGoodreads/Amazon/B&N/iBooks

syn

In a world where fairies lurk and curses linger, love can bleed like the prick of a finger.

Briar Rose knows her life will never be a fairy tale. She’s raising her siblings on her own, her wages at the spinning mill have been cut, and the boy she thought she had a future with has eyes for someone else. Most days it feels like her best friend, Henry Prince, is the only one in her corner…though with his endless flirty jokes, how can she ever take him seriously?

When a mysterious peddler offers her a “magic” spindle that could make her more money, sneaking it into the mill seems worth the risk. But then one by one, her fellow spinner girls come down with the mysterious sleeping sickness—and Briar’s not immune.

If Briar wants to save the girls—and herself—she’ll have to start believing in fairy tales…and in the power of a prince’s kiss.

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review

3/5 Stars

***I received this eARC as a gift in exchange for an honest review via Entangled and NetGalley

Briar is determined, nostalgic, and responsible. She adores her siblings and will do everything and make insane sacrifices just to keep them close. Briar is so unlike the original sleeping beauty; she’s a fighter and constantly on the lookout to improve her situation. She cares so deeply-she’s a heroine anyone can get behind. 

Henry Prince. He’s attentive, thoughtful, playful, and always a joy. Every time he came around the world was a better, brighter place, not only for Briar, but for the reader. BUT there’s nowhere near enough of him. His family history is a shocking and pleasant surprise. THAT story needed a more prominent place in the overall narrative, but it gets a quick summary that does not do it justice. 

Romance is an afterthought and it works well. Briar spends quite a bit of time mulling over a guy that’s all wrong for her and misses what’s right in front of her face. It may drive you crazy that she’s so blind, but it’s believable and sweet how oblivious she is. 

There’s a lot going on in this story. So much, that it gets a bit lost. Between the fairy tale elements and woman’s suffrage, the focus is skewed and it becomes less like fantasy, more historical. At the same time, there’s not enough in either arena to make a connection with the secondary characters. There are fleeting moments that give you some insight into their personality but then it flips to something new. 

The pacing was moderate to slow for the most part and then super slow. It takes forever to pick up from that introductory fairy tale feel. The Sleeping Beauty retelling kind of lurks in the background. Towards the end, the fairy tale magic explodes off the pages and sucks you right in. It’s dark, it’s twisted, and the toxic power of the spindle is unexpected. I wish these elements would have picked up sooner. 

Overall, Spindle is an enjoyable read that will keep you guessing and hoping for that happily ever after. 

If you like any of the following, you’ll enjoy this:

Charming reading, 

Jordan